Dating these days seems more complicated than ever; it can be damn confusing, from ghosting to breadcrumbing to kitten fishing? However, nothing has changed; at least in my time, instead, we finally defined all the f*ckery happening out there. One phenomenon that has taken off is the infamous Fboy. HBO recently released a show called Fboy Island hosted by comedian Nikki Glaser and good guys and Fboys battled it out for the hearts of three lovely ladies. The problem is an Fboy is a master manipulator. Unfortunately, some of you may know this type all too well. He toys with your heart, tries to get in your pants, pursues as many women as possible, and worst of all, he lies to get what he wants. We called this a "player" back in my day, but the Fboy is even worse. It used to be a badge of honor for a guy to be a "player," which meant he had a game, but an Fboy has no such skills. He's just a lying piece of shit hiding like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Don't get me wrong; I fully support anyone who wants to enjoy being single, partake in casual sex, and have a good time. However, I have an issue with the deceit and heartbreak of men not being upfront with what they want. Also, let me be clear: there are also Fgirls out there too, this behavior can go both ways, but for the sake of today's post, I am focused on the guys. Learning to spot an Fboy is a skill, and after decades of dealing with them and watching the show, I am fully qualified to share my wisdom.
"He toys with your heart, tries to get in your pants, pursues as many women as possible, and worst of all, he lies to get what he wants."
Before I give you all the dirty details of spotting an Fboy, I have a few words of wisdom for your dating journey. First, not all men are like this; the men YOU are attracting or are attracted to might be. Second, before turning the finger around at the men as the issue, it's essential to investigate yourself and WHY you think you could be attracting this type. Are you emotionally available? Do you want a committed relationship? Are you being the type of partner you would like? Often we attract a lesson, and until we learn it, the universe will keep sending it. I dealt with this for almost 20 years, and I never realized I WAS THE PROBLEM. I was trying to play it cool and keep things casual because that's what I thought men wanted, which would get me the relationship I wanted. I couldn't have been more wrong. That only attracted more casual guys, so until I got honest with myself and learned the lesson for the millionth time, the f*ckboys kept coming. To attract the type of partner you want and deserve, you have to set boundaries, communicate your needs, and walk away from people who don't meet them. If you do these things, the f*boy red flags will start flying high, and it will make your decisions much clearer. Let's dive into the red flags that will help you spot an f*boy from a mile away.
Getting Sexual too Soon
A man who is interested in the long game isn't going to try and score a point in the first few seconds of the game. He wants to show your respect and get to know you. Contrary to popular belief, he may be interested in a relationship as well. It's a clear sign someone is an Fboy if they are sending you sexual vibes too soon. Those vibes can be anything from the initial chat on a dating app, sexual compliments, conversation topics, or day I say photos! If he is putting off this vibe before you've given him any indication you would be remotely interested in having sex with him, it's clear that's all he wants. As I said, if you are down with that, let your freak flag fly but don't expect this man to desire anything beyond sex. Before I get objections, there are always exceptions to the rules. A one-night stand can very much lead to marriage, but it's unlikely, so don't bet on it. Men looking for commitment will show a little class and hold off on anything sexual towards you until they get the green light. It's called respect, and if he isn't offering it to you, walk away, Aretha. Also, if you hold out on getting intimate, you're likely to suss him out anyways. Fboys usually give up quickly, so he will usually weed himself out if you make him wait.
If you are confused about where you stand with someone, chances are he's a Fboy. He's not interested in getting serious with you, even if he keeps you on the hook with dreams of the future. On the other hand, a man who knows what he wants makes his effort known. If he's giving you mixed signals, he is sending you the only signal you need. Walk away with your head held high because it's his loss. Men who are genuinely interested in a woman won't take the risk of losing her. Things happen, and anyone can get busy, but a serious man will make an effort to communicate consistently because you are a priority to him. Also, he doesn't want someone else to swoop in because, let's face it, you're a catch. If he is the right guy, he is making plans and setting the date. He isn't leaving anything up to chance. Women read too far into things like the minimal effort texts, him watching your IG story, or some random interaction HOPING it means something but let's face it. It doesn't. If he is giving you scraps, put him out with the dogs. Don't let his words speak louder than his actions.
Dating is ultimately an elimination process of meeting people, getting to know who you vibe with and who meets your needs and eliminating anyone who doesn't. You are interviewing them for your partner's role, but sometimes we have difficulty speaking about our needs and desires. We don't want to seem needy or clingy and just want to go with the flow. However, by avoiding tough conversations, you may be letting a Fboy live on much longer than he deserves. I learned this the hard way by dating guys for months waiting far too long to have conversations about what I wanted. Then, when it came time to ask where it was going, I had invested so much time and emotion to hear him say, I'm not looking for anything serious. At that point, I only hurt my feelings because I let us stay in limbro for far too long. Looking back, almost every guy avoiding commitment was avoiding ANY conversation about what he wanted or where things were going. On the flip side, I had guys tell me to flat out they weren't looking for anything serious, which went in one ear and out the other. I didn't take them at their word, and I ended up broken-hearted. Have these essential conversations early and often so you know you are aligned; run away if he gives you the runaround.
Next time these red flags come pointed in your direction, you'll know exactly what you're dealing with. So don't be fooled by a Fboy. As Nikki Glasser said, "F Boy, F Bye."