My dance with anxiety has been intricate and profound. Reflecting, I realize my role in this internal tango, a complex game I played with myself. Let's rewind to a seemingly idyllic Thanksgiving vacation in Mexico. A picturesque snapshot of me exuding calm on the outside, masking the turmoil within. Anxiety, an uninvited companion, had been slowly consuming me for months, escaping my attempts at concealment. Social media portrayed a blessed life, a facade hiding the internal struggle.
2019, a tumultuous chapter unfolded. It was a year when my belief in the universe faced its ultimate test. Amidst career changes and academic pursuits, I grappled with imposter syndrome and an obsessive focus on comparison. I lost sight of trust, fixating on 'how' instead of believing in the natural course of life. Work and life in a new industry intensified, leading to a cascade of stress. Anxiety, more than the familiar companion I knew, morphed into an overwhelming sense of doom and relentless fear.
Social media perpetuated the illusion of a thriving life while my inner world crumbled. Signs of physical distress emerged: diarrhea, tremors, and sleepless nights. Desperate attempts to regain control ensued, manifested in obsessive cleaning. The breaking point came with a health scare and a newfound low in my mental state. Despite the external appearance of stability, I was sinking into a depression I wasn't prepared for.
Turning 34 brought an unspoken societal pressure, compounding my struggles. The cry for change echoed within me. Divine intervention occurred when a job opportunity, not a coincidence but a cosmic nudge, presented itself. A new job marked a turning point, forcing me to confront my deteriorating mental health. The physical toll became undeniable; weight loss and bodily distress were significant red flags.
Research led me to therapy, a resource I had hesitated to explore before. SSRI medication became a suggested path, challenging my preconceived notions and battling the stigma. Unloading years of trauma, I unearthed the roots of my perfectionism and anxiety. Simultaneously, physical health issues surfaced—Lyme Disease and Hypothyroidism. Medication and therapy, a dual approach, proved transformative.
Mental health stigma dissipated as vulnerability became my route to healing. The lesson echoed: prioritize oneself and listen to the body's cues. Amidst the chaos of 2020, a personal renaissance unfolded. Rediscovering love and happiness, I share this journey, encouraging others not to bear their struggles alone. Whether medication, therapy, or reaching out, healing often begins with acknowledging vulnerability. May everyone find their version of happiness and love, as I have amid life's intricate dance. 🌈 #MentalHealthJourney #EmbraceVulnerability
If you're struggling with your mental health, you're not alone. Please reach out to your loved ones and medical professionals for support.