How to Age Without Giving AF

Aging without giving AF is hard. Over the last week, a battle of the generations began between Gen Z and Millennial women. The Cut shared an article explicitly outlining the details and also offending Millennial women everywhere found here. Side parts are now for "Old's," and skinny jeans are apparently out of style. They didn't start the battle, to be fair, but they may have added fuel to the fire with their next article about a 40-year-old who is apparently too washed up to be successful found here. All this commotion has this 35-year-old millennial feeling a bit on edge. I turned to a classic show to boost my mood, Sex in the City; unfortunately, I had completely forgotten what the first episode was about, women aging out of dating! I sympathize with this feeling; there is incredible societal pressure on women to accomplish EVERYTHING by 35. It doesn't help to have a bunch of teenagers then start bullying you to top it all off. I should start by saying I don't wear a side part. I got rid of mine back in 2008, and it was a rough road to train my hair to a center part, but it did look better on me. It doesn't, however, look better on everyone. Trust me. I also work in fashion, and while yes, straight leg and wide-leg pants are trending, skinny jeans aren't going anywhere. My bigger issue with this little battle of the ages that has begun is that it's never ok to belittle another woman's choices if that's what makes her feel like her best self.

"My bigger issue with this little battle of the ages that has begun is that it's never ok to belittle another woman's choices if that's what makes her feel like her best self."

I guess I shouldn't expect much from internet trolls, but there has been so much more body positivity and anti-bullying with the generations after my own. I expect more of them because they have been exposed to so much more positivity than we were. Maybe that's naïve of me, and nothing can ever change the mean girls of high school. Adolescence is all about deflecting your own insecurities and pushing them onto anyone but yourself. Last week, I joined Tik Tok to see what it was all about and join this little debate. Almost instantly, I was trolled by teenage girls. Luckily I have matured because I didn't have any time for mean girl shit in high school; I don't think I would have taken it so lightly. I found myself coming to the aid of my female friends for years, especially throughout high school and college, and let's say I may have gotten a rhyme or two like watch out for Lisa Van Loo or she'll punch you. There were never any actual punches thrown, but I had zero tolerance for anyone bullying my friends. I know I have been the bully a few times, too, and looking back, it's 100% because of my insecurities.

Growing up in the 90's we didn't live in this Instagram world, I had a Nokia phone at 16, and honestly, I don't even think I could text. I only got a phone because I could drive and my parents needed to get ahold of me. That was the rule in our house, and it seems pretty logical. We also didn't have social media; our version was AOL and My Space. Facebook didn't start until I was in college, and it was still only for college students back then. When we took photos, it was usually on a disposable camera, so you didn't get to see the horrible exposure until you picked them up from the local Walgreens. I remember getting a digital camera in college, and it was the hottest thing on the market. Can you imagine having to carry a phone AND a camera? We had landline phones; for Christ's sake, it was a different time. The worst part of it all was the fashion: low-rise jeans, sparkly fabrics, very unattractive silhouettes, and grunge. Oh, and skinny eyebrows. Thank god for microblading because none of us have any f*cking eyebrows left. It was not a great time to go through puberty, and no matter what your body type, no one looks good in low-rise jeans besides Brittany Spears.

"Oh, and skinny eyebrows. Thank god for microblading because none of us have any f*cking eyebrows left."

Every teenager has their struggles, but being a millennial was extra special than layer on the toxic masculinity we faced, and you've got a generation of neuroticism. I guess the way I am feeling now is similar to how I always defended my friends in the past, except for this time; it's an entire generation of women I'm defending. Everyone gets older, so Gen Z is only a few years behind, and they too will feel the anxiety of their 30th birthday or dread the day they turn 35. It's sad what our society does to women; I am here to remind you that WE DON'T EXPIRE. Not at 30, 35, 40, 50, or whatever age. I know it can feel like it at times, and I know that feeling all too well. I had a meltdown around my 34th birthday. I don't know why at 33, I still felt young and carefree, but 34 was all too close to 35, and I wasn't where I wanted to be. I hadn't met a guy, I still had a roommate, I wasn't running my own business, and the list goes on. There is no timeline, and these things that we want to happen, happen when they are supposed to for the US. Not based on the timeline; we THINK they should occur. As someone perpetually anxious, I spent so much time worrying about the future and thinking I needed to have it all figured out. I'm here to tell you that you won't. Ever. My mother is 61 years old and has new challenges of her own to face every day. Even she doesn't have "life" figured out. The sooner you accept the future's uncertainty and trust yourself, the better off you will be.

Trusting yourself is the key to letting go of fears and worry. You know what's best for you if you really listen. Have a strong sense of self, know what YOU want, and don't let anyone's judgments get to you. It takes a lot of gumption and getting real with who you are but only you know what you want out of life. In my experience, if others are judging you, it's because on some level, they are jealous, and they are also judging themselves. Learning to let go of external validation can be a tricky thing, but the more you tune into your values, the closer you'll get. For me, getting older and not being a "hot young girl" has f*cked with my ego, and I didn't realize it until I was in a bathing suit 20lbs heavier than my comfortable weight in Mexico a few weeks ago. Suddenly, I felt so insecure, so I searched for validation all over the place, but none of it helped until I looked inside myself. I admitted I had lacked in my health & fitness during covid, but that doesn't make me irrelevant, ugly, or unworthy. I was just a bit more bootylicious. I realized that I was letting my insecurity shape the narrative in my head, which only added fuel to the fire. Often we project our insecurities and judgment of ourselves and put that on other people. But honestly, do you ever think about ANYONE else as negatively or as critically as you do yourself? NOPE. No one was looking at my bootylicious body and thinking that lady is gross; that's just the script I made up in my head.

"Have a strong sense of self, know what YOU want, and don't let anyone's judgments get to you. It takes a lot of gumption and getting real with who you are but only you know what you want out of life."

I feel for the woman who thinks she is too old and washed up to succeed; I struggled with that thought last week. Getting on Tik Tok only made me feel old and irrelevant. I see bloggers and coaches all over with hundreds of thousands of followers. It's intimidating as SHIT but, I have to start somewhere. You must be ok with being seen on the bottom before you get to the top. Also, there are no guarantees I'll be successful, but it's my passion, so that is a form of fulfillment that means more than financial gains. I let my fear hold me back long enough. I finally let go of my ego, accepted that not everyone would like me, and honestly, I don't give a flying f*CK if someone doesn't like my IG or think I'm cool NOW? Taking yourself way less seriously also helps. We have all survived much worse than a little rejection, and we don't give ourselves enough credit. Look back at all of the amazing things you HAVE accomplished. I promise they are there, and you should be proud of your successes. Also, maybe it's time to look at your definition of success? Maybe that's part of the issue, only you decide. You decide on the emotion you give to anything in life, and you decide on your goalposts. For me, the little wins matter SO much. I'm proud that I build a website while holding down a full-time job. I'm proud that I put myself out there on social media, and little by little more of my quirky personality shows. I'm proud I've written about my most profound moments, it helped me heal, and I hope it helps someone else. Lifting each other is so much more rewarding than tearing each other apart over superficial things.

"Look back at all of the amazing things you HAVE accomplished. I promise they are there, and you should be proud of your successes."

So I am here to tell GEN Z or the skinny jeans/side part haters to back the f*CK up because you don't know how we had it. Do you know that millennial woman you are talking to? You don't know what her story is or why she wears her hair the way she does. That's her decision to make, not yours, and I think I speak for all millennial women that we won't be taking our fashion advice from Tik Tok. There are plenty of reputable places to get fashion advice, and in the end, fashion is just recycled trends. Trends don't always work for everyone, and the best way for a woman to dress is to wear what makes her feel good. Confidence is sexy at any age; I don't care what you're wearing. Getting older can be difficult for women; it's not glamorized like it is for men. Women have babies; bodies change, yet women are expected to look the same. It's unrealistic, so you have to balance what feels good for you and remember not to compare yourself to teenagers who haven't grown into their real bodies yet. You know, one thing that I forgot to mention is fantastic about aging; if you've gotten semi-successful, you can finally afford to buy yourself the clothes and the hair and whatever else you want to make you feel like THAT BITCH. So, get that botox, lip filler, microblading, hair extensions, nails, or whatever else. That's the real genius of aging and not giving AF; we might be getting older or be out of style, but our bank accounts are growing, so who cares. Buy new jeans.